Top Ten Reasons Why Women Love Vampires


George Hamilton in Love at First Bite
George Hamilton in Love at First Bite

As most of you guys know, I’m working on my first vampire story. I’ve never really been a vampire fan, I never read any of Anne Rice’s books, or any vampire literature until a few months ago when I finally read Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve also just finished reading Sheridan Lefanu’s Carmilla, apparently a classic in the genre which I stumbled across in a book I’ve had for probably twenty years and never read, a relic of the days when I belonged to about six mail-order book clubs (this one came from Doubleday) titled Masterpieces of Terror and the Supernatural. It also includes Poe’s Hop-frog, a short by Stoker that may have been intended to be the original first chapter of Dracula, and stories by Mary Shelley, Ogden Nash, Dylan Thomas, Theodore Sturgeon, and many others. I’m not sure yet how many of them are about vampires, other than Carmilla.

Anyway, I have been amazed by how much vampire literature is out there, and the range of styles, from outright soul-sucking evil to the romantic, even x-rated stories of today. Stoker’s story may have set the vampire in the popular imagination of today, but prior to him the depiction of vampires was not all fangs and glowing eyes and hideous evil. As the pendulum swings back and we get portraits of every type of vampire you can imagine (and some you can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t) I wonder at the lasting appeal of these creatures in the human imagination.

As most of you guys also know, I am single and have been in the dating world for some time, and it ain’t pretty. So after many years of meeting your basic Neanderthal again and again I admit I am starting to see the appeal of the vampire. Herewith: some of my top reasons why I suspect women love vampires. (Yes there are more than 10 reasons, but titling the post “A bunch of reasons why women love vampires” didn’t have the same ring as the Top-Ten List does). This is all completely tongue-in-cheek, just for a laugh, so please don’t get your knickers in a twist.

12. They have a sense of style, without necessarily having to be gay.
11. You’ll never see one with a beer gut
10. They don’t have any interest in hunting, fishing, or camping
9. You will never see a photograph of a vampire posed with a dead animal carcass
8. They will not insist on bringing stuffed dead animal carcasses into the home
7. They’re mostly clean-shaven (off-hand I can’t think of any with facial hair)
6. Flatulence never troubles them
5. They don’t sit around swilling beer, watching sports on tv all day
4. They actually seem to like women
3. We don’t have to cook for them
2. They never ask us to do their laundry
and the #1 reason:

1. You never have to worry about meeting their mother!

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58 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons Why Women Love Vampires

  1. LOL!!!!!! Ohmigod, can you imagine if you DID have a vampire motherinlaw? (a few of my friends claim to have come close) There’s a short story, at the very least, in that: I’d call it “All Hope Abandoned”

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  2. Hahaha! That’d definitely one-up Morticia Adams! Yeah, I’ve heard about some of those m-i-l’s. Mine was more like Ma Kettle, so not lethal at least 😉

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  3. I just love Gorgeous George! He cracks me up. I love the fact that is he so good-looking, and yet pokes fun at his own image the way he does. He was lampooned in “Doonesbury” for years about his tanning 🙂 I should rent that movie, I haven’t seen it in years.

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  4. Have you ever read ‘Salem’s Lot by Steven King? That’s one of my favorite vampire stories: super-creepy, it’s the sort of book that has you pulling all the shades in the house all the way down after dark, so the undead can’t peek in and trick you into inviting them in…

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  5. Hah! No, I haven’t. Believe it or not, I think the only Stephen King I ever read was part of The Stand. I couldn’t get through it. I may have to read ‘Salem’s Lot now. The more I learn about this whole phenomenon of vampires in literature, the more interesting it becomes just to see all the different ways they’ve been treated through time and the various spins different authors put on them. Yesterday I picked up an anthology of vampire stories written by women to see what else is out there. I don’t think I can bring myself to read Laurell K. Hamilton, or Charlaine Harris. I’ve heard their books are mostly an excuse to write a lot of x-rated scenes with various creatures. I don’t think that’s the sort of thing I’m aiming for 😉

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  6. SL is one of the early Kings, which are much, much better – after a while he started churning them out for a paycheck and it got to be the same old same old, every time. This one is more creepy and atmospheric, and I think more up your alley, if only for the research aspect of it.

    What are your thoughts on the pre-Born-Again Anne Rice? I read one (Interview With the Vampire, I think,) and it was good enough, but I didn’t feel compelled to read any more of them. It was more complex, at least, than that chintzy softcore erotica.

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  7. Well, I’ve never read any Anne Rice! I believe there’s a short story by her (possibly the only vamp-short she ever wrote) in the anthology I picked up yesterday. I’ll read that first, see if I like her style enough to pick up any of her other books. I heard years ago that the vampirism was a metaphor for alcoholism, which she struggled with for years after the death of her daughter at the age of six. I’m not sure if she has disavowed that, or even addressed that.

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  8. My knowledge of vampires is fairly limited but now that I am looking at the list I no longer doubt their popularity, I only regret that my awakening has been so long coming!

    They sound like absolutely marvelous people. Well, aside from the pesky little blood sucking thing but hey, we all have our weaknesses.

    Go forth and conquer the vampire world!

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    1. True, every relationship has its difficulties, eh? 🙂 Sure, there’s the blood thing, but on balance I can think of guys I’ve known with some pretty weird interests. I’d feel safer with a vampire in some of those cases!

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  9. I love, “Carmilla”. Really cool.

    I loved “Interview” and “Lestat” when I was a teenager. I recently reread them and wanted to smack both Louis and Lestat over the head. We’re talking several hundred pages of whining between the two of them.

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  10. Carmilla left a lot of questions at the end, unless I just missed it. What became of her “mother”, and who was she (the mother) to begin with? How did she know so much about the General?

    ::::groan:::: ok, that’s not making me want to read Anne Rice! 😉

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  11. I was a little older when I read “Interview,” Gypsy, and my beef was exactly the same: Lestat started out as a compelling character, but turned into such a WHINER by the end! A real ex-boyfriend, if you know what I mean.

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  12. It’s been a long time since I actually read it. If I remember correctly, those questions were left unanswered.

    MaryJ- heh heh. That is so true. I think the most annoying character was Lestat’s best friend who he moved to the city with. Luckily, I don’t recall his name. But he kept going on and on about how he couldn’t stand to live because life was too bright and beautiful or something like that.

    DD- you actually might want to read them. And I’d *love* a book review from you on them afterwards.

    Regarding Ms. Rice- she does write some gorgeous prose.

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    1. Philosophical, angsty vampires? Now that sounds exciting! I may have to read Lestat now.

      It reminds me of ex-boyfriends too. How disturbing.

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  13. I guess I like the nice tidy ending where everything gets explained. Heh. I suppose it’s good to leave some of it a mystery. I just wasn’t sure if it was intentional, thinking about it now Lefanu probably intended it that way.

    Ok, I’ll add Ms. Rice to the reading list. In the name of Cthulhu, I’m going to have to become one of the immortal undead to get all these books read. 😈

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  14. LOL! wonderful list! I was all about vampire lore and culture for awhile in high school…did Bram Stoker for a project, read all of Anne Rice, wore black nail polish [ha!] etc…that was when Interview w/ a Vampire’s film came out and god, were they hot! I definitely wanted Brad Pitt to bite me ;)… I have not read the Twilight books yet, but I find it amusingtaht ppl seem to think she started the trend…The myth has been part of cultural and literary history for centuries…some of the history is fascinating.

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  15. Maryj- Some Like It Hot is one of my Top 5 fave films! very funny!

    DD: Some of Rice’s latest stuff does not seem too appealing…it has been years since I read her…she lost me after Queen of the Damned

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    1. Yeah, now that she’s become a god-bot I can’t envision reading anything she writes. I did start reading her short story, The Master of Rampling Gate last night, and have to say I like her style. Unfortunately I was too tired to get more than a few pages into it. Wasn’t QofD the end of the line for her vampire series?

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  16. I think the Twi-tards are in for a rude awakening when they go looking for more vamp lit and find the objects of their obsession far less romantic, and vastly more blood-drenched. I would say don’t bother reading the Twilight series. From what I’ve heard they’re just dreadful. My research into the vampire mythos will not be including those books. From what I’ve been reading lately, Anne Rice is the one who reinvigorated the vampire story and made it popular again. Back in the 60s and 70s the Hammer House of Horror in London put out some vampire movies, but they’re generally considered B-movies (even C) so most people haven’t seen them. They did however, do a version of Carmilla which I may have to hunt down.

    I usually dress up as a witch for Halloween, but I think this year it will have to be a vampire. And yes, I’m already thinking ahead to Halloween! Although since I sometimes ride my bike to work I was thinking it would be fun around Halloween to wear a black cape, and have a little stuffed dog sticking out of one of the panniers.

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  17. A stuffed dog, or a furry little bat?

    I went as a vampire in the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade many years ago, and the heterosexual male contingent really seemed to go for it. It’s an easy look to pull off, if you can find a good-quality cape (I borrowed one from a friend; still can’t figure out where he got the thing from, but it was gorgeous – black velvet lined w/wine-colored satin. You could probably also crochet one out of that Lion Brand velour yarn) – other than that all you need are some dimestore fangs, and stuff you probably have around the house anyway: a little black dress, black stockings, red or black lipstick/nail polish, a little extra eye-liner and you’re good to go. The best part is that if you want to go out afterward, all you have to do is ditch the cape and fangs, and you’re dressed for anything ranging from a coffeehouse to the opera to a funeral.

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    1. I was thinking I could my own rendition of Elvira Gulch/Wicked Witch with Toto in the basket 😉

      The vampiress definitely has more sex appeal than the Wicked Witch. This could be fun!

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      1. One year I went as the Devil – I just basted a tail to the red velour dress I wear around Xmas, and found this cute red vinyl headband with horns attached. Again, all the boys loved it, but I was a little disappointed because I had not been able to locate a red suit and patent-leather briefcase in time to go as The Devil’s Advocate.

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  18. p.s. Have you ever seen the film “Dracula” with Frank Langella? Not as hot as Frank in the stage version (I’m still swooning, 30 yrs later) but still an appealling eyeful, and an intelligently made film.

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  19. Darn, that’s the one I was going to try to find a photo of to post on the blog, but ran across Gorgeous George first and forgot about Frank! I think I saw parts of the film years ago, but since I was never much of a vampire fan before I didn’t pay much attention at the time. I should probably add that to the list of movies to see. Is it out on DVD, do you know?

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  20. Dame, your top “12” list cracked me up! I’m still laughing! No. 9 is my favorite. 🙂

    I’ve never been into the whole vampire scene, but now you’ve got me curious. I’ll have to see if I can find a historical romance vampire story out there somewhere.

    I hope your “blood-sucking” story rocks!

    Lis’Anne

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    1. Hi Lis’Anne! Long time no hear. Hope all is well in your world. Yes, this is new territory for me as well, as I’m sure you’ve gathered here. It’s just such a phenomenon, and every time I surf around on Amazon or online looking for vampire info I am AMAZED at how much is out there. There seem to be A LOT of vampire romances these days. And of course Jenna has a story coming out in an anthology of vampire erotica this fall. I feel like I’m coming late to the party!

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  21. Oh yeah, #9 came directly from trying online dating. These guys out here are such cretins, most of them put up photos of themselves holding a freaking fish they caught or some mammal they shot, dressed in their camouflage hunting gear. I mean, really, isn’t that what every woman looks for in a man? I suppose 100 years ago when they were homesteading in the Oregon territory those might be qualities I’d use to select a man, but HELLO, this is the 21st century. A little book learnin’ would be preferable.

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    1. Oy, you never told me about the guys posing w/their dead animals! I guess, in a sense, it’s a good thing b/c you know what they are like right up front. I think there used to be Wall Streeters (they’re all broke now) who were one step away from posing w/ pix of their big fat wallets, and the women who are attracted to either sort of bounty know who they are.

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      1. Oh yeah, they’re so proud. And they just don’t get why it doesn’t impress women. As I always say, Neanderthal is alive and well, and living in Oregon!

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      2. Any woman who’s looking for a man to go out shooting animals with is welcome to do so, but isn’t the whole hunting/fishing thing usually an excuse to bond w/yer buddies and get away from the womenfolk all weekend? Are these guys telling their potential dates “Thass right, I won’t be around much on the weekend, but when I git home I’ll be wearing an orange hat with earflaps and stinking of fish guts/elk blood – how’s that grab ya, Little Lady?” OR is the idea to advertise for a woman who’ll sit home on the porch, waiting for the Denali to drive up so’s she can dress and butcher the thing and whip up some bearmeat stew?

        As I said, it is, in fact, very fair to present this proclivity right up front, but these men should think long and hard about whom they are trying to attract. I don’t necessarily expect Prince Charming to have read Finnegan’s Wake from cover to cover to cover, but I would like him to at least have heard of it.

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      3. No-no, they expect you go WITH them, with your own gun(s) and spend a week camping and hunting and fishing. It just baffles them that women don’t want to do those things.

        I met one guy, first date I had to explain to him what “genealogy” was. Needless to say I never saw him again. What do you think the odds are that he had never heard of Finnegan’s Wake? 😉

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  22. Bwahahahahaha! A little book learnin’….cracking me up. REALLY! Good luck there. Thank God my husband has absolutely no interest in shooting anything–not even a freaking target. He’s only “posed” with a fish once. He had to; it was the biggest he’d ever caught. Of course it’s buried in the bowels of the old photo box.

    I’ve never read erotica. That’s sounds rather intriguing, too. One of my critique partners is in the initial stages of writing one. My eyes are constantly wide open! And my husband’s quite thrilled with my eagerness to see him after a critique meeting. 😉

    It’s been awhile since I’ve made the rounds of the blogs. I’ve been sick with the flu, but managed to prop myself at the keyboard to get out some queries. I always love reading your posts so hopefully I’ll be keeping up–unless I get an agent! A girl can dream…

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  23. Sorry to hear you’ve been sick, hope you’re feeling better.

    It seems like erotica is more interesting to women than porn movies. They say the brain is the most powerful sex organ so it makes sense. Enjoy those critique sessions and put them to good use! 8)

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  24. The interesting thing is you that you keep hearing about how editors and/or agents don’t want any more vampire stories as they’re saturated with them but the books and stories just keep coming out. However, since the books we see on the shelves right now in some cases were sold one or two years ago, who knows.

    I personally think vampires aren’t going anywhere. Like anything, the fervor may die down after awhile but for now vampires are pretty hot.

    Except on network television. Moonlight was a pretty good vampire series, if not very original in having the vampire lead play a detective (Angel, anyone, or Nick Knight), but I thought Alex O’Loughlin was pretty good as the tortured vampire, Nick St. John, and Jason Dohring, who played the far older vampire (meaning hundreds of years older) Josef was a delight.

    I’ve always been a fan of vampires, long before they became the pop culture phenom they now are. I cut my teeth on the old Hammer movies from England that starred Christoper Lee and read Anne Rice’S Interview with the Vampire when it first came out back in 1976. Actually, I just started reading Chelsa Quinn Yarbo’s first Saint-Germain book, Hotel Transylvania, which came out in 1978. She’s still writing books in that series, the latest having come out in 2008.

    One of the scariest books I ever read was Salem’s Lot by Stephen King but the interesting thing is I first read it as a serial in some science fiction/fantasy magazine.

    I have to say I do prefer the more predatory vampire but can understand the appeal of the romantic one. And, yep, the vampire stories I’ve written so far are erotic vamp stories.

    I must put up on my blog the notes I took at the Wiscon panel titled “The Care and Feeding of Vampires”. All of the panelists were authors of vampire stories and had some interesting tidbits to share.

    I do, however, currently have a link on my blog about HBO’s True Blood, their hit vampire series based on the Charlaine Harris books and the faux-advertising they’re doing for it. Not sure how I feel, however, about advertising a car that allows you to feel the wind in your fangs. *erk*

    As for erotica being more interesting to women than porn movies, I can’t say. Since I do write erotica, I can attest to its appeal to some women. Not all. Some. 🙂

    However, I do think porn movies geared towards women are more appealing to women than your run-of-the mill porn, but I also think women do prefer reading about sex rather than watching it. But again, just my personal opinion and I could be 100% wrong about it.

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    1. There seems to be some kind of universal, timeless appeal to vampires. They may “die down” (if I can use that phrase!) for awhile, but they’re really been going strong at least, I would say, since the 1960s with those Hammer films. Long before we had Bela Lugosi as Dracula, but there have been so many stories written about vamps before movies even came into being. So from the Hammer films of the 60s, Yarbro’s and Rice’s books coming out in the 70s, I don’t know who-all or how many in the ’80s and ’90s (as you say, Nick Knight, Angel, a couple other short-lived shows that I can’t recall the names of now, plus the attempted resuscitation of “Dark Shadows”)…countless book series, the list just goes on and on. They may be saturated but I would say the demand has never been so high.

      I saw the little ad for the Cooper Mini “True Blood” car! LOL Oy, as if those cars aren’t the hottest thing since sliced bread anyway.
      One more thought about this: Yet another reason not to pay for these premium channels, if they’re going to start running commercials embedded in the programming.

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      1. Those damned embedded commercials (or “product placements,” as the industry calls them) are everywhere – network TV, and possibly the most annoying of all, those endless commercials they show in movie theaters after you’ve paid nine or ten dollars to get in. At this rate, novels are the only thing that are still not “interrupted by a word from the sponsor “- yet another reason to keep reading!

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      2. See, this is what I fear will happen with those electronic book readers. It’ll be like DVD’s that you buy, and then have to “skip” through all the “previews” before you get to the feature you actually paid to own, and everytime you stick that DVD in you have to wade through all that crap again. I’d be willing to bet real money Amazon is already working on when to roll that out on their Kindle.

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      3. I’m sure you’re right. I was initially fascinated with the idea of Kindle, but I fear that the technology makes it too hard to avoid the kind of hard-sell marketing I don’t care for – even though the most interesting independent booksellers are online these days, I can always turn the computer off and read my book for as long as I choose – I don’t have to worry about about the online marketing following me into the middle of a chapter, like an annoying pop-up ad or commercial.

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  25. “No-no, they expect you go WITH them, with your own gun(s) and spend a week camping and hunting and fishing. It just baffles them that women don’t want to do those things.”

    I love camping! Just had to sneak that in. Carry on. . . 🙂

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  26. HA! 🙂 I know a lot of women do (I’ve known several women who enjoy hunting, too) and I can be talked into it, once in a great while. My problem with it comes when that’s ALL they want to do. Every. Single. Weekend. Just once in my life I’d like to go on a vacation, a real vacation, where you sleep in a BED.

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  27. “However, I do think porn movies geared towards women are more appealing to women than your run-of-the mill porn, but I also think women do prefer reading about sex rather than watching it. But again, just my personal opinion and I could be 100% wrong about it.”

    Jenna,

    I like some erotica, and can’t wait to read yours when it comes out. But in general I prefer the harder stuff that’s usually marketed towards males, like Hustler Letters. As for the visual- some of it does appeal to me. So yeah, I definitely think it’s an individual thing.

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    1. you’re more well-rounded than I, Gypsy; I’ll take the 5-stars every time, or at least hot running water and a room with a view. I want my vacation to be more luxurious than my everyday life, NOT more rugged.

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      1. Amen. As one of my sisters once pointed out: Camping is everything you do at home, only ten times harder! I enjoy being out in nature, hiking and spending the day in the woods or something, but sleeping on the ground just isn’t as cute as it used to be.

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      2. I’m with you – what’s wrong with hiking or swimming or otherwise enjoying the Great Outdoors, then taking a nice hot shower and sleeping in a big comfy bed? Best of both worlds, if you ask me.

        As for hunting/fishing, I’m not one of those hypocrites who eats meat from the A & P but feigns horror at the folks who go straight to the source. As a wise friend of mine said, “if you’re against hunting it means you’ve never seen a starving deer.” That being said, it’s just not in my nature to go straight to the source and kill my own food (consider the dressing/cleaning/butchering aspect – as Didge’s sister said, it’s 10 times harder than grocery shopping – hunting for bargains is more up my alley.) When I see a deer or a bunny in the yard I want to go say hello to it and feed it a carrot, although I know it’s not my business to make friends with a wild thing.

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  28. Your bunch of reasons women love vampires is very funny. I am inspired by your passion for this project, and I don’t believe the market is saturated. People writing vampire stories on Twitter continue to find agents. Go for it!

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  29. Heya Uppington,

    That is good to hear! The market appears saturated with mysteries and romance novels as well, and nobody’s reining those in. I think some of the agents are underestimating the public’s devotion to the genre.

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  30. haha, I meet all of those requirements…
    Funny….
    Also musician, writer, artist in general and cook…
    Well rounded guy that falls into a pale predatory archtype that females go hysterical over…
    Yet no luck w/ women …
    Very Funny….

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  31. Hi Blake,

    Thanks for coming by. Heh, well, maybe it’s the ‘predatory’ part that’s scaring them away… 😉 Just a thought.

    I took a quick look at your MySpace page, but being on dial-up, it’s slow to load. What kind of novel series are you working on?

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  32. Hey you, Digital Dame,

    Just stumbled upon this page while searching for an answer to a question “Why women write best vampire stories?” And actually your ”10 reasons…” helped me get an asnwer to that 😉 thanks for that.

    I’m a big vampire fan since I was a little kid – I think I was 13 when I first read Bram Stokers’ Dracula (I’m 27 now). It was scary of course but alluring as vampires themselves ;). I read and watched quite a lot of things about vampires and I can tell you this: Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice are the best there is when it comes to books – she perfectly showed the famous ‘vampire romantic eroticism’ without being x-rated. Plus the whole mythology (demons, ghost, God, Heaven, Hell etc) and merging of different series (Vampire C. world was merged with another Anne Rice series: Witches of Mayfair while retaining seperate publishings and series names) is very well realised – I will even say perfectly. There is nothing better this and Stoker by my count. When it comes to movies Hammer Films and Christopher Lee’s Dracula films are classics 😉 but the best one when it comes to atmosphere and mood is first ever vampire film in cinema history – ”Nosferatu: Symphony Of Terror” by Murnau from 1922. If you dont know it then I really recommend it if you like vampires even a tiny bit.

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    1. Hello Cheyenesku,

      Thanks for coming by, glad my little blog could help you out.

      The “Nosferatu” film was nearly lost to us. Stoker’s widow won a court injunction to stop it, claiming it plagiarized her late husband’s work. All the prints were supposed to have been destroyed, but at least one survived. We came very close to not seeing it at all.

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  33. Plus an interesting thing about an actor playing a vampire in that movie – Max Schreck. Because of the way he looked he didnt need makeup apart from fangs and claws and many people, in Germany especially, thought for years he was a real vampire which destroyed him as an actor. I’m giving you a link to see Schreck for yourself http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Schreck.jpg

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