Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, I received this from a friend who shares both my first and last name, and hails from the same part of the country I do, and so of course we have decided that back along the line somewhere, we are somehow related, and therefore cousins. I don’t know the author of this piece, but I can tell you it was not me, nor my cousin.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN AN IRISH FAMILY
1) You will never play professional basketball.
2) You swear very well.
3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office and you have at least one aunt who is a nun or uncle who’s a priest.
4) You think you sing very well.
5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!
6) There isn’t a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone.
7) Many of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a mortal sin.
8 ) You have never hit your head on a ceiling.
9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.
10) You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.
11) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.
12) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen.
13) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.
14) You may not know the words, but that doesn’t stop you from singing.
15) You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.
16) You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
17) There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
18) You are, or know someone, named Murph.
19) If you don’t know Murph then you know Mac. If you don’t know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully. Then you probably know Sully McMurphy.
20) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
21) You have Irish Alzheimer’s, you forget everything but the grudges!
22) ‘Irish Stew’ is a euphemism for ‘boiled leftovers.’
23) Your skin’s ability to tan not so much. (Only in spots!)
24) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of whiskey.
25) There’s no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.
26) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other. Not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other.