Oh not a good way to start the day. I think I mentioned about some of these guys on the train that have tried to chat me up, and how I tend to give them the cold-shoulder. I’ve had one that has persisted for quite a long time now. I think he first tried last winter, by asking where I worked and I stupidly mumbled the name of the company. Did I continue the conversation (if you can call it that) or encourage him by asking where he worked? I did not. (Sidenote: This is not the short fat black guy, this is a dorky white guy who affects to be a cyclist.)
Well, that seemed to be the end of it for awhile, but recently he’s made a couple more attempts. He managed to sit next to me on the bus one day and tried to revive this ancient encounter by saying “Don’t you work at [company name redacted]?” I muttered something, turned to look out the window and ignored him for the duration of the ride. I even had my “Do Not Disturb” sign on that day (my faux engagement ring). I thought that had done the trick when I was a little obvious about flashing it around. I thought wrong. He tried again earlier this week as we were walking down the train platform to the bus, asking me about my bike and cycling. I kept walking, got ahead of him WHILE HE WAS STILL TALKING, got on the bus and put my crap in the seat next to me to keep him from sitting with me again.
Now, wouldn’t you think he would have gotten the hint after all this time that I do not want to talk to him? Well, guess what happened this morning? You’ll never guess so I’ll tell you.
I drove this morning, which is proving to have been the best decision I have made in some time. And here’s why. Manager Overseer took the train to work this morning. This is extraordinary because this is only the second time he has EVER taken the train to work. You’re not going to believe this, I’m still in shock. HE KNOWS THE STALKER. They were neighbors at some point. And guess what they started talking about? You got it, ME. How this came up in the conversation is still unclear, suffice it to say Stalker now knows my name. I did manage to ascertain that Overseer was not quite stupid enough to give this douchebag my phone number (mostly because he didn’t happen to have it handy, but from the way he answered the question, I think Stalker may have asked for it and Overseer wasn’t able to produce it). Overseer claims he told this guy that I’m a “private person.” Ya think? Can you imagine if I had been there? Overseer would have seen me and started talking to me, then when this douche got on the train he would have used his past acquaintance with Overseer as a pretext to insert himself in the conversation.
So now I don’t EVER want to take the train to work again. I may have to stagger my schedule and come in later or earlier. I’m not big on confrontations, but I think this may have just passed the point of no return. Overseer keeps trying to say what a nice guy Stalker is, but as I pointed out everyone thought that about the guy who shot his ex-wife and all those people in that hair salon in California yesterday. And this guy should have gotten the hint by now that I do not want to talk to him. His goddamn extremities should have fallen off from frostbite by now. I’m so upset I can hardly see straight. You wouldn’t believe how long it has taken me to type this short post. I’m fuming, I have no idea how much Overseer told him, and he’s not being very forthcoming. He did however apologize for anything he may have done to make the situation worse. I think my liberal use of the F-bomb may have conveyed to him the level of my displeasure with this situation.
It’s not that I’m not interested in ever talking to anyone, but I was never interested in talking to this guy, he should have gotten that message by now, and yet he still persists, so I’m freaked out. He has earned the classification “stalker” in my opinion by this behavior.
Suggestions, advice, sympathy will be accepted with gratitude. I have options that I intend to exercise, but am open to other paths.
fillingspaces.wordpress.com 
OMG, what a pair of ass-jacks! It amazes me how some folks are entirely lacking in self-awareness, and I wish I were there to commute with you. Maybe the East coast commuters are a less friendly bunch in general b/c I have heard of very few instances like this. And the violation of privacy! It is too much.
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Maybe I still have too much ‘East Coast’ in me, but I feel the same way. I don’t think I should have to feel like I’m on the defensive everytime I board the train or ride the bus. There were a couple of very rainy days when I didn’t ride my bike and take it on the train with me, and I must have had four different guys make comments about it: “No bike today?” “Not riding today?” “Where’s your bike?” STFU. I am not public property. Another day on the train when I did have my bike, a very large man who also had his bike with him interrupted my reading to launch into a 20 minute lecture of what I needed to do to make my bike safer (essentially wrap the frame in reflective tape, get better reflective strips on the tires, yadda, yadda yadda). He claimed he’d been hit while riding his bike ELEVEN times. I’ve never been hit. Something tells me it’s not the reflective tape that’s the issue. He was another one that was still talking when I got off the train. I think I told you and MJ about Toothless? Oy, it never ends. Why am I such a freak magnet???
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OMG WHAT A DOUCHENOZZLE!. Both of em, really, but O’seer even more so because a. he hangs out with an annoying stalker and b. he thinks he has the right to to tell an anoying stalker your name. I don’t think I need to tell you that if Douchnozzle #2 ever obtains your phone digits, you march your biker’s ass right over to HR and tell them that they can either transfer Overseer to another department where he has nothing to do with you, or YOU to another department (preferably with a pay raise) or wait for your lawyer to serve the hostile work environment lawsuit. I was almost speechless, but I managed to squeeze that out!
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I had never mentioned this guy so Overseer did not know anything about me not wanting any contact with him (or anyone else) so I’m sure he didn’t realize this was a problem. I’m guessing when they recognized eachother they just started chatting, Stalker probably asked why Overseer was taking the train, Overseer likely at that point mentioned having a co-worker who took the train, but how Stalker made the connection between Overseer’s co-worker and me I cannot imagine.
I’m pretty sure Overseer knows he fucked up royally this time. I was not subtle about how I felt about Stalker. At least now I know I can get this asshat’s name if I need it.
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Of course he should have realized it was a problem – any decent person over the age of 10 knows you don’t give out a woman’s info without clearing it w/her first. If Stalker has the nutz to call you by name, I’d gaslight the bastard – give him a cold stare, and say “what the hell? Who’s {Didge}? ” Even if he had the gall to report this to his BFF Overseer, O’Seer would be too embarrassed to take it up w/you.
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LOL I don’t think these two are ‘BFFs’. I gather they hadn’t actually seen eachother since they lived near eachother, no idea when that was. Not that I’m doing a 180 here trying to defend him, I just want to give a clear understanding of what I know so far. Your support in this means the world to me, don’t get me wrong. God I wish I had thought faster when he asked where I worked and not said anything. I had another guy on the train ask me where I worked one day, and I just said the city name. I’m learning, but I guess I’m a slow learner.
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You need to learn to enjoy lying in life as much as you like creating fiction on the page. Carry a few lies around in your pocket – phony name, phony hometown, phony job (ideally something involving firearms) just for a foundation, like the fake engagement ring..
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Y’know, I used to be really good at that. Years ago, meeting guys on the beach in Asbury Park, I’d always give a fake name. I had one guy convinced I had dropped out of high school. No idea why now, just seemed like fun at the time. Firearms, yes! I need to learn my way around guns. Maybe some time on the firing range is in order. I don’t think this guy is dangerous, most likely just desperate for a date, but you never know.
Thinking about my fubar now of telling this douche where I worked – wouldn’t have mattered after today anyway. No doubt Overseer mentioned it. Unless… Stalker only connected the dots because Overseer said where HE worked, and then Stalker said, “Oh do you know…” Hmmmm. Shot myself in the foot, maybe?
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Oh wow, interesting story. I guess it is good faith that you did not like him. Who knows if you did made an connection and Oversear became a part of your life on and off the clock. That would be so mess up. No type of privacy at all.
For people like your stalker they tend to be like that so that you will cave in. Most persistence people get their way of annoyance from a person caving in. Good thing your strong. But also for persistence people they will see your hint and continue pushing, but this is when you have to tell them “stop” you have no interest. It is like last Friday I went shopping and I left something like a mall and a guy was following me and then finally said something to me. I looked at him and said goodbye. Than he followed me into another store just following me around. Than finally told me how beautiful and etc I look. I had to tell and show him that I am married. The nerve of this guy said “and”. I told him this ring means I am married so please respect that and leave me alone and I walk away. I think I said it loud enough and clear enough to embarrass him in which I did not care. Because people was looking at our direction and he left. I was piss afterward because I needed a day for myself and he was ruining it!
So on that note I am not saying to stop riding the train or to change your time. You need to speak up to this guy and let him no “STOP” your not interested. Please stop bothering you and you don’t appreciate it. Than if he just stand or sit there looking dumb founded walk away. He will remember that day.
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I agree w/everything startingover says, including the part about don’t stop taking the train. It’s a shame that polite gestures don’t work on this guy (whatever happened to subtley?) but it may come to “um, I’m not in the mood to talk right now. Or ever.”
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Thank you, Lora, sorry to hear about your experience too. I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your day out after that. What a jackass that guy was! I know how upsetting and annoying it is. You don’t feel like you should have to be on the defensive all the time, but I guess that’s the world we live in. I shook that one guy months ago, without having to actually say anything although that took awhile too. Now he just glares at me when I walk up to the train platform but he hasn’t tried to get near me or talk to me since the day he sat in front of me and I got up and left and went to a different train car. Unfortunately a lot of days there is only one car.
I’m like you, I don’t like to make a scene in public if I can avoid it, but I think that’s what it’s going to take. I don’t think he and Overseer are actually friends outside of work, I got the impression from what O said last week that he hadn’t actually seen this guy since they were neighbors, and it was some time ago.
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Yes, but sometimes neighbors connect and start hanging out again. But that is only sometime. I hope once you tell Stalker you have no interest and to please leave you alone he take it with a grain of salt and leave you alone. You are right. You don’t need to explain yourself. No is no.
My day was a bit ruin until I saw hubby later in the day. I am going through a lot of person things right now and sometime one need time for themselves and some people just don’t know when to stop. I can understand there is not a sign on me or on my face that say back off my day is shitty and I just want to feel comfort wrap in scarves, gloves, and hats. Let me find my place for peace even if it is for the moment and leave me the heck alone.
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That would have ruined my day, too. Why do these scumbags think we’re going to be receptive to their slimy advances? I know exactly how you feel, sometimes you just need to be on your own.
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MJ, that’s what I keep asking myself, why can’t they just get the hint? Why does it need to come down to actually having to confront them? I guess like Lora said, they try to wear you down with persistence. I’ll try to be direct and just tell him I’m not interested, but something tells me that’s going to get a response of “Why not?” And then of course I’m going to have to ream him a new orifice. I have no intention of letting him drag me into a conversation that way, either. I don’t owe him an explanation and I don’t have to justify it. If he doesn’t go away after that, I am calling the cops.
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“Why do these scumbags think we’re going to be receptive to their slimy advances?” Because it unfortunately work on many other females.
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I suppose so. You are very sharp.
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