I have some misgivings about posting this, I’m sure I’m going to take a lot of flack for it, but it’s annoying me so here goes. Granted, this only applies to a few.
A number of the men I follow on Twitter mention their wives only to say how beautiful/hot/sexy they are. I know nothing further about the wives in question, except that their husbands would not leave them behind in a zombie apocalypse because they are just too hot or gorgeous or some similar adjective. I suppose it’s nice that they think they have made such a catch, and think so highly of their spouses’ physical appearance. Do guys sit around the office or the local sports bar talking about their wives like this? In eight years in the Navy I don’t recall any of the sailors I served with discussing their wives this way. Lots of other unprintable talk went on, but not this specifically that I can recall.
Why does this bother me? I’m not sure. I guess it’s because for all the noise currently being made about reading, reviewing, discussing female authors, and why they don’t win more of the literary prizes and other similar issues, these male authors seem to have no other use for their wives except as arm candy, trophy wives, sexual objects. I have no idea if any of their wives are writers as well, I’m assuming not. But for all the saber-rattling and righteous indignation about the ‘war on women’ lately, these remarks seem to play into the very mindset that everyone pays lip service to abhoring. It is their right, of course, to discuss their wives in whatever context they please, and I’d be willing to bet the wives in question would be flattered by these remarks. No doubt they are intended as compliments. I’m also sure if I were to mention this to any one of them, they’d be quick to argue with me, and maybe even mention other things they like about the women. So why is their physical appearance the only thing they ever seem to tweet about? They’re not protecting their privacy because a couple of them regularly post photos of their wives.
Am I missing something, somehow clueless here? Are they looking to share, or just waving her under the other guys’ noses? Everytime I see one of the “I just wanted to say how gorgeous my wife is” tweets, I want to tweet back, “That’s nice, now STFU.” Is it considered unmanly to acknowledge these women are actual people, and not just their newest possession? Could they maybe talk about their house or truck for a change?
It makes it sound like if these women were not so ‘smokin’ these guys would never have even given them the time of day. Again, I’m sure to get an argument.
And I know men are ‘visual’ and it’s all about looks. Maybe it’s a monkey-see, monkey-do situation, where one starts and the rest are trying to one-up him? I could unfollow them, true, but apart from this irritating occasional behavior, they generally seem like an intelligent bunch.
By contrast, women, when talking about their boyfriends/husbands/significant others will mention some thoughtful thing the guy did for her, and how much she appreciated it. I’ll have to start watching more closely for the ‘hotness’ comments from the women, but off-hand I don’t recall any (maybe one, but it was included as part of a tweet about fetching some soup or medicine when she was ill). Women tend, by and large, to talk about behaviors, not looks. They’ll talk about how the hubs made pancakes for breakfast or took the kids for the day to give the wife some writing time. I cannot think of a single instance of a guy talking about a wonderful dinner his wife made, or a career accomplishment, or anything other than how gorgeous she is. Maybe I’m just following the wrong people. Or maybe I should just let them enjoy the lust phase of their relationship and turn a deaf ear/blind eye to it.
fillingspaces.wordpress.com 
Poignant analysis. If you enjoy King at all, you should read his novel Lisey’s Story, which has a famous author’s widow as the protagonist.
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Thanks, Ben. I assume you mean Stephen King? I haven’t heard of that book, I’ll look for it.
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Yes, that King, sorry for the ambiguity. It’s one of my favorite King books, actually, although people seemed to either love it or hate it. I just thought of it because it’s fairly relevant to your subject.
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Ok, cool, I’ll check it out. Thanks!
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I REALLY enjoyed it. Seconding the recommendation 🙂
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I would assume, and it would be assuming since I do not know the men personally, that they may just be unable to express themselves any other way.
I have the same reaction to that kind of thing that you do, “yeah ok the rest of us are impressed, now STFU.”
I 40 years old, and I read a lot and write as much as I can. So when I want to tell my wife that she is beautiful I use the tools of the talent that was given to me and I can talk about more than her physical features. They just may not be able to do that, and I imagine that some men are uncomfortable with expressing anything more than that in a public forum. To many of them, no matter how much you want to point out that it is not, using flowery language and describing your feelings shows the girlie side of you and the homophobia kicks in and then…well…some sort of bathroom humor and profanity must follow.
But I believe your reaction to it is normal for a lot of us who feel we’ve moved past the juvenile need to wave something around and holler, “LOOK I’VE GOT SOMETHING SHINY!” Much like Lister’s cat on Red Dwarf.
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Thanks, Eric. I suppose, re: the fear of flowery language. I just would expect better from these guys since they are also writers. I’m glad it’s not just me, though, and other men are also not interested in these silly tweets.
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Of course, the opposite get’s on my nerves as well. Those would be the men (or women) who complain about their spouse not being “hot” enough for them. And it is obvious that the person they are talking about is attractive. That one usually get’s an instant “change of subject” from me. I have no desire to wade into your own insecurity about the way your wife looks to you.
And if you call her, “wife” and can’t get past the physical appearance stage…then I think maybe you skipped a step.
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Wow! Now that I have not seen. That’s awful. I think when you get to that point, divorce court is right around the corner. I feel very sorry for their spouse.
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I have a feeling it might be, as you say:
“Maybe it’s a monkey-see, monkey-do situation, where one starts and the rest are trying to one-up him? ”
I wonder, since it’s a social no-no to brag about salary, wealth or other material possessions, especially now in these financially bad times, that the girlfriend’s/wife’s looks is one of the few things guys can “measure” these days.
And also, since it’s even more of a social no-no to argue against the statement that someone’s wife is hot, the field is more or less open for free bragging.
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Could be. The whole bragging thing is, like Eric said, pretty juvenile. I mean, what do they expect anyone to say in response? “yeah, good on you, buddy, go get her”? I’m sure most people feel their spouse or S.O. is brag-worthy, but it’s like showing family movies to strangers: who cares? 🙂
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😀 Yeah!
I think there may be an expectation of either no comments or affirmative comments, because of the social constraints.
But when people do that, I’m always tempted to say “Oh no, I bet she’s butt ugly!”, just to see what reaction that gets. 😉
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LOL 😀
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I’d choose the “turn a deaf ear/blind eye” approach. I must be following different people, because I can think of quite a few guys I follow who’ve tweeted positive comments about their wives’ great families, cooking, kindness, etc.
That said, maybe the guys tweeting about their ‘hot’ wives/girlfriends believe that they’re paying their women great compliments. Perhaps it’s the only kind of compliment they feel comfortable speaking/tweeting in public. Who knows–maybe their wives/girlfriends follow them, and take those tweets as compliments. So hard to know what goes on in the heads of others.
If these men otherwise offer intelligent, enjoyable conversation or consistently tweet useful links etc., I’d say ignore the parts you don’t like. Or, you could ask them directly if the hot looks are the only thing they value about their women. The answers might be interesting. In any case, if the unfollow button seems to glow in neon colours beside the name of a specific tweeter, it’s probably a sign…
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Yeah, one is on thin ice. I think one more tweet along these lines and he’s gone. I’ve thought about saying something but couldn’t seem to find a way to make it sound anything other than massively bitchy.
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I think it’s just a male one-upmanship thing: “I’m such a stud I can get a really desirable woman to marry me.” I’m sure they do mean it as a compliment, and I like when my husband tells ME I look good, but I honestly don’t care whether his friends (or followers, if he were on Twitter) are attracted to me or not, so if he’s saying that stuff to them, it’s to make himself look good, not me. Whether their other content is engaging enough to for you to want to keep following them, is your call.
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Oh, I forgot one of the more egregious tweets from one of them was that his fantasy in life had been to “wed and bed a really hot woman” when talking about his hot wife. I mean, c’mon. Grow up, or save it for your next trip to the strip joint. That was pretty much the last straw.
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Ok, see that right there? That is a blatant, LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!!! so pathetic that stuff.
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I can only assume this guy is very young and has very low self-esteem.
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too young to be married, really. But maybe his wife is young and shallow, too, and they are make for one another
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oops – you know I meant MADE for one another, right?
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reminds me of a radio personality out here who was always bragging about how hot his wife was, how she’d go to strip clubs w/him, blahblahblah. I was so glad when he moved on to the all-sports station.
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Is that ever sad. Makes you wonder about his other values in life. Hot car probably. Intelligence probably doesn’t even come into the equation. Just sad.
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Was he on the morning commute show? I think all morning shows have jocks that are like stunted frat boys, they all seem to make the same sophomoric jokes. Maybe it’s in the contract.
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Combination of:
– primal-level “mine is better than yours” = “I’m the King” posturing. I don’t think “my wife made an awesome dinner” will illicit the same level of jealousy/admiration (unless the competitor-male reading has a hotter wife who happens to be a terrible cook etc.)
– points scoring (their wives probably read their twitter feeds)
– genuinely wanting to compliment their wives in full view of the “world” (again, wives probably reading)
– most – and I would venture to say _all_, even if it’s a buried desire – women want to be perceived as attractive and more attractive than other women. Part nature, part nurture (“what a pretty girl you are…” being the default conversation starter)
It’s all very effed up.
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True. Beauty is prized above just about anything else in all the fairytales. Too many Cinderella complexes still. You are no doubt correct that their wives are reading what they write, so it better be all good about them. I’m just too old & impatient to put up with it.
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It’s difficult to gauge this kind of thing. There’s always going to be shallow people from both genders who only care about looks and/or perceived social status. I never have/never will hang with those kind of people.
On the other hand, if a guy simply tweets his wife is “the most beautiful woman in the world to him”, that just might be his way of expressing his love for all of her. (not that he just values her physical appearance and nothing else).
Also, I try not to stress too much about what I hear on the net, regardless. Lots of extremely immature folks hiding behind their computer screens. For true horror, all you have to do is read some of the hateful, ignorant comments under news articles. *shudder*. It can be very upsetting, but then I go out and see the good peeps I know in real life, and it’s a reminder to me that jerks may seem plentifful but it’s only because they are louder.
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Then he needs to tell her. Randomly tweeting it out to the internet is just going to annoy his followers. Like trotting out your child and gushing over them, “Isn’t he/she the most adorable baby you’ve ever seen?” what do they expect people to say? And yes I’ve seen people do this and my response was to turn around and walk away. Who would sit around with a group of friends and start talking this like, out of the blue in the middle of a conversation? “I hear they’re redistricting the school zones. My wife is the hottest thing that ever lived. I hope they’ll change the bus routes, too.” It’s just idiotic.
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You are acquainted with this and this, yes? ;D
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Oh dear god, no! Oh :::GROOOOAAAANNNNN::: My eyes, my eyes!! 🙂
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I’m always here for you, hot stuff ;D
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p.s. Regarding the looks thing, I’m pretty sure most of us want our partners to find us beautiful/handsome/desirable/hawt…etc… But in a relationship there has to be so much more than that! At least for me, and I think most people.
On the other hand, for those looking for trophy wives/husbands…I figure that’s their right, too. Do i understand it? Hell, no. And I think they’re missing out on what a true relationship is. But ah well…Live and let live..
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Sure, it’s human nature to want to feel attracted to your partner, and I’m sure most people think their spouse or S.O. is pretty adorable/hot/whatevs. But unless they’re in the infatuation/obsession phase of a new relationship, most people don’t bore their friends with having to listen to them gush. Think whatever you want, do whatever you want, I’m not saying not to, just don’t act like a love-sick teenager in public and expect people to want to listen to it. If he DOES carry on like this when they’re with friends, I feel sorry for his wife. It might be cute once or twice, after that it would be embarrassing to me for a guy to do that in public.
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And by ‘do whatever you want’ I was referring to marrying for whatever reason suits someone, none of my business. But spare me from listening to the adolescent twaddle.
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