Outerspace, science fiction, Space, writing

Time


 

Time is not my friend.

Every day that passes makes me that much more frustrated that I spend my life using all my energy and time in the pursuit of other people’s dreams. Time I can’t get back. I can only spend it once. Like that Daffy Duck cartoon where he keeps trying to outdo Bugs Bunny on stage, and finally blows himself up. He gets the audience’s cheers, but it’s a trick he can only do once. Like life. There’s no reset button, there’s no do-over. Every day is a mini-explosion that can’t be repeated.

The only thing I’ve ever really wanted to do in life was write. But I had to table that dream while making a living, raising children, surviving after divorce, and being everyone else’s safety net. Maybe it comes from being a middle-child; always looking after others seems to be my fate. So I take jobs that pay the bills, and always the writing comes last.

And still I continue to work on my writing in the blips of time between running the house and mowing the yard and commuting to and from work, and earning a paycheck to keep food on the table and lights and heat on. Am I ungrateful? Millions would be thrilled to have what I have. I’ve had periods of unemployment (laid off three times) and part of me rejoiced at being free, at having time suddenly. Did I write? No. The practical side of me was too stressed, too terrified of losing everything I’d worked for, afraid of losing my home, not having money to put food on the table. It’s hard to be creative when you’re not sure if you can pay bills. Those days went by in a blur of combing the want ads, registering with placement agencies, going on interview after interview for jobs that would further deaden a soul. Maybe someone reading this can relate.

Is that the curse of being human, being sentient? Always wanting more, always wanting to be more? We dream, we desire, we hope. I haven’t given up, despite moments when I despair. Too bad we can’t jump through a wormhole and gain back the years. That’d be my superpower, time travel.

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3 thoughts on “Time”

  1. HI DD, I can relate to and understand what you wrote. I have came to learn it is okay to be selfish at times. Also that not everything in life we/I can control. I tell myself this daily especially when bad news come my way, “Lora you can not control everything in life. You can only do your part and know in your heart atleast you tried. Only God can do the rest.” This is my belief and what I say to myself constantly. Does it help, not much. I have to scream and cry to let out the pain and then try to do something to ease my pain as it will always be there but atleast calmer. My darling DD, you are just one person. You are Superwoman in my book! You are doing the job of two and that is not easy for one person. But you are doing it and making the best out of it. I applaud you my dear friend. When life get you down know that someone is routing for you far away. Love you my dear. Have a great week and weekend!

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