Thoughts on Mortality

Decks pictured (clockwise from top left) Bohemian Gothic, Sacred Rose, Arcus Arcanum, Starchild, Tarot of Prague, Wild Unknown, Sun and Moon, Wildwood, Alexander Daniloff; center – Alchemists Oracle: Connected and Free, Celestial Stick Figures

I’m inspired to put some thoughts down by a video Katey Flowers posted on YouTube of her year with the “Death” card from the Tarot, and her musings on aging and life and death. I decided to post this here rather than on my Tarot blog because this isn’t necessarily a Tarot post (maybe I’ll cross-post it).

I’m at the age where I spend a great deal of time thinking about death (a great deal) and how much closer I am to my own end than to my beginning. I have far more days behind me than ahead of me. I’ve started planning out what sort of instructions I want to leave for my heirs, make sure they have access to all my accounts, both online and offline. I think about how much crap I have that I need to get rid of to spare my kids having to clean it all out. I think about people I’ve lost so often. I can’t count the number of times I’ve wished my dad was still alive to see some new technology (he was an electronics engineer) or a movie or show I think he would have liked. He died when he wasn’t much older than I am now.

Of course everyone dies, it’s not that I expected to live forever. I don’t actually think about how I might die, that’s not the part that concerns me. It’s the idea of winking out of existence, passing into oblivion, that disturbs me because I have no belief in an afterlife. This is it, here and now. Please spare me any platitudes about the inevitability of dying and accepting with grace. Maybe the day will come when I can, but not now. Right now I feel no more ready to accept that than a teenager. Intellectually I am perfectly aware that the day will come, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’ve lost both of my parents, all my aunts and uncles, a cousin, friends so it’s not like I’ve never experienced losing someone. I know it happens, but that doesn’t change my frustration.

Part of my raging against death may stem from the feeling that I haven’t accomplished anything with my life, that I will never feel done, ready to die. There are so many things I would have liked to have been and done and learned in this life that I will never have the chance for. Maybe that’s why I’m so fascinated with Tarot. I look to the cards for a deeper understanding of the nature of existence, some reason to believe this isn’t all there is. How can we live, exist, breathe, think, be self-aware, and not be able to somehow do something about the terminal nature of life? It seems cruel for the universe to give us the capacity to understand we will cease to exist, doesn’t it? And yes, I understand the contradiction embodied in the idea of seeking a spiritual understanding if I don’t have any belief in an afterlife.

I know I’m not alone in this dread, and that it’s why some people cling to religion, or a belief in ghosts. We’re hoping to find some proof of something beyond this world, that physical death is not really the end. I’ve had unexplained occurrences that seemed ghostly, but they’re not definitive proof. Not yet. I need more.

I guess for now I will continue to search. I’ll let you know if I find enlightenment, or at least acceptance.

I did feel compelled to pull a card from the Druid Plant Oracle, and interestingly got the Celtic Bean, which is associated with death, reincarnation, the ancestors, and the Otherworld. A message?

My WordPress-iversary

Wow, I registered with WP 8 years ago. Eight years. Holy smokes. I started with my Wandering Mind blog back then, mostly chronicling my bicycle adventures. That blog has lain dormant for many years now while I’ve focused on writing and Tarot (on the Dangling Pentacles Tarot blog), which admittedly has been more active recently than this.

I’m gonna throw down the gauntlet to myself and try to get the sequel to Revenants Abroad out by the end of the year. We’ll see how that goes, but it’ll be 2 years on October 31 since RA was released. Time to get a move on!

You can really embiggen this pic, I uploaded the full 6Mb file.

Clouds over wheat field

World Dracula Day 2016

 

I didn’t know there was one! Today is the anniversary of the first publication of “Dracula” in 1897. In honor of that, here some links to fun Dracula-related things (sites, podcasts):

http://www.bramstoker.org/novels/05dracula.html

The Dracula Chronicles

The Vampire Historian – World Dracula Day Mini-sode (from 2015, don’t see anything more recent)

The 1977 “Count Dracula” from the BBC, starring Louis Jourdan. One of the more faithful adaptations. Sorry, can’t find one without the subtitles. Subtitles just annoy me.

And remember, “The dead travel fast.”

 

Do You Believe in Ghosts?

Brown lady of Raynham Hall

I had an interesting conversation with a woman on the bus this morning. I’ll call her Carol. Now Carol is a very religious Christian (not sure if she’s the ‘born again’ type or not) who not only attends church every week, she also attends something called ‘Life Group’ which I gather is some kind of Bible study session,  and talks as if it has never occurred to her that there are people in the world who don’t believe what she believes. Maybe it hasn’t.

That’s all fine, people are free to believe whatever they like. Frankly I’m a little surprised she still talks to me since I ‘fessed up about reading Tarot cards. She did seem a little taken aback by that, but nonetheless we get along very well and she’s a very nice person.

So this morning, I was more than a little surprised to hear her laugh at the idea of spirits or ghosts. Recently her own mother took in an elderly lady (let’s call her Milly). Milly is a cousin of Carol’s mother’s husband (with me so far?), somewhere around 97-years-old,  is quite frail, nearly blind, and could no longer live on her own. Milly started insisting she could see people in party dresses of all different colors who were there to visit her, and could also see members of her family (her mother, father, and a sister who I assume are all deceased).

Carol thought this was hilarious, but she played along, asking what color dresses the people were wearing, and who she was pointing at and so on. She asked if the people in the colorful dresses were going to a wedding, and Milly replied that no, they were there to see her.

I said how surprised I was that she, as a religious person, would scoff at the idea of spirits, or visitations. I mean, if you’re going to believe in Heaven, and people rising from the dead, how much of a stretch is it to believe some people can see spirits?

When my own mother was in the hospital for the final time before she died, she kept asking who the woman was who was sitting on the chair in her room. She said it was an Asian woman, who never spoke, but she saw her on several occasions. Mom was pretty sharp, right up to the end. She had many other incidents over the years that she attributed to her guardian angel (she once swore she found herself going the wrong way on the road, and the car was lifted up, turned around and set back down so she was facing the right way. I wasn’t there, I couldn’t say what did or did not happen). She also had a near-death experience many years ago when she had a heart attack. It wasn’t pretty.  She found herself floating down a long dark tunnel, until a voice said, “It’s not time, bring her back up.” At that point she said she felt a hand on each elbow (I think she said she saw a figure on each side of her) and she was lifted back up and woke up in the hospital.  I wish I had written down more of these incidents that she told me about. Mom was a Norwegian Lutheran who hadn’t actually attended church since she first got married, but she was strong believer in the Christian God and Jesus just the same.

I have heard this “phenomenon” of seeing people, or an individual, when death is close, is relatively common. Children have been reported to see the same woman, many of whom have called her by the same name (Bridget?). So I was very surprised that a person of such deep religious conviction would be so skeptical about something like this.

So, what do you think? Does seeing ghosts or spirits dovetail with belief in an afterlife, or is that too ‘New Age-y” for a traditional Christian?

Weekly Card – King of Cups

This week we have the King of Cups from the glorious Touchstone Tarot. Cups are associated with the element of Water, and emotions. Here’s a guy who’ll wine you and dine you, nothing’s too good for the ultimate romantic experience. All the Kings are associated with Fire, so this guy is Fire of Water. Steam. He’s no pushover, despite his loving heart. He signifies a successful man, one who is the fatherly type, very concerned with keeping those he loves happy. And this is a guy who’s up to the task. He may even dote on you a little too much, but it makes him happy to see you happy.

This is a good time to listen to the advice given from such a person, he has your best interests at heart. He will lead by example, rather than trying to crack the whip. Pay attention and he will point you in the right direction. I swear he’s been hovering nearby ready to lend a shoulder to cry on.

As a point of interest, the man depicted in the painting is Charles de Solier, Lord of Morette (1534-35), painted by Hans Holbein the Younger.  The original is in the collection of the Gemäldegalerie, Dresden. The rest of the elements – the cup he holds, the pie, the seashells, the table, and the blue curtain in the background – each come from other paintings. Kat Black blended them all seamlessly into this beautiful image.

I hope you all find your King of Cups this week.

Weekly Card – Queen of Wands

So this week I had to go with the All Hallows Tarot by Robyn Tisch Hollister. And we have the Queen of Wands. Wands are associated with the element of Fire, and creativity. All Queens are associated with Water, so we have Water (emotion) of Fire (passion, creativity, energy). Competent, strong-willed women who do what they love. The Queens are women of power who have arrived. They’re mature, they’ve achieved both spiritual and professional growth. If you know such a woman, enjoy her company. Perhaps you see a bit of yourself in her.

This week is Hallowe’en, All Hallows Eve, Samhain, Summer’s End. To the ancient Celts it was the New Year.

To those celebrating this as the New Year, a blessed Samhain to you, and all good things for the new year. The wheel turns, celebrate the harvest and a new beginning. Start a new project, pour your creativity into it. I’m about to start new novel for NaNoWriMo, so that’s where all my energy will be going for the next month.

Blessed Be!

Weekly Card – Four of Coins

Four of Coins. Sticking with Nigel Jackson this week, I really like this deck.

The stability of the fours this time applied to material concerns. It indicates holding onto your money, not being frivolous and being secure. Often this card depicts a miserly man clinging tightly to his money, but financial stability and frugality are often desirable (ok, when are they not?). There’s nothing wrong with being practical. The only problem comes if you start to value wealth and money over everything else.

I don’t think that’s what this particular card is telling us, however. We need to secure our castles, and the card shows a beautiful vista and dawn breaking to blue skies full of birds. This is a time of achievement, of attaining some financial goal, or getting the house we want. It shows a solid foundation to our lives, a well-ordered existence. Anybody househunting? This could be the week to find the home that’s perfect for you.

It feels like a good week to catch your breath and enjoy some creature comforts. No big splurges, just enjoy the calm after the tumult.

Weekly Card – Fortitude

Fortitude, or Strength, from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. This is the first Major Arcana I’ve pulled in awhile. When a Major turns up, the situation is of a more important nature than the generally day-to-day things more often depicted in the Minors. The indication is a spiritual lesson, a step on the road of life. The card is XI, 11, in this deck, so it falls after X, 10, the Wheel of Fortune. You’ve probably just dealt with a change of some kind, hopefully for the better, and now the new situation is going to test you. Don’t freak out, we face these things all the time. It doesn’t mean the world will implode. Just be ready and recognize it when it comes.

This card is more to do with inner strength than outward, physical strength. It’s a harnessing of one’s darker side – unrestrained impulses, overreacting, ungrounded fears, insecurities – and bringing it to heel. It’s taking control of oneself in difficult times, bringing all your best aspects to bear. Only this way will you flourish. Don’t allow the internal, more primitive side of yourself to hold sway. You’re stronger than that, above that. Call on those reserves of strength now, and they’ll serve you well. Control the beast.

That dark side provides one kind of strength but the more rational conscious mind needs to be in control. The two sides can co-exist and work together, and benefit eachother. I like that the lady’s dress is the same color as the lion’s fur, and her mane is as impressive.

Be strong, you can do it.

Weekly Card – Six of Wands

Six of Wands from the Fantastical Tarot. More wands/Fire. The Six indicates a position of victory, strength, being in command maybe. You’ve fought the battle in the Five, and come out on top. People will recognize your triumph, accolades are received. I’m hoping this means I will get deserved credit that a certain person in my office is trying to lay claim to. This is encouragement that you’ve done the right thing and others will see what you have achieved.

Take credit for your accomplishments, be proud of yourself. It may not mean a huge raise, but your reputation should be solid and your word respected. Don’t doubt yourself.

Have a victorious week!

Weekly Card – Four of Wands

Four of Wands from the 21st Century Tarot. Wands are Fire, creativity, lots of energy, ambition, drive. Fours are strong foundations, a good beginning for a project, or relationship. This card often indicates marriage or coming together to celebrate an event. The couple in the card appear to be gazing toward the future together, sharing their resolve. There’s a sense of harmony, balance, things coming together. Everything is as it should be.

I canceled a job interview I was supposed to have on Monday morning, and I’m taking this as a good sign that I did the right thing. The commute was long, really long, and as much as I’d like to leave my current job, I had a bad feeling that this place would have been a mistake. If I was even offered the position. Since I was so reticent about it, it seemed wrong to waste everyone’s time going out there to interview.  We make the best decisions we can based on the information we have. I’m so focused on finishing the vampire novel and gearing up for NaNoWriMo in November I don’t want the added burden of taking on a new job right now, too. I have to believe the right job is still out there.

Wishing you a happy week, wherever you need to be.